Murphy’s laws of Krav Maga and Self-Defense

When a friend cited Murphy’s law, it made me think on how this applies to Krav Maga and self-defense in general. So I did what every good man does, and launched an internet search. And behold, the Murphy’s law site and the policeoracle forum yielded a long list of “Murphy’s laws and corollaries” that can be quoted for self-dense. So below is the list. Browse through it, have a laugh, but remember: they may all come true.

Murphy’s law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

• If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
• If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
• Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Murphy’s law of stress exercises: Things get worse under pressure.
• Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
• Every solution breeds new problems.
• If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
• The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
• Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the plan.
• The seriousness of a wound is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
• The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They punch, kick and choke harder too.
• Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn’t do it.
• The Police don’t always come to the rescue.
• If the aggressor is in range, so are you.
• Incoming attacks have the right of way.
• The only problem with leaving before trouble starts is the trouble has already started.
• Aggressors invariably attack on two occasions: a)when you’re ready for them and b) when you’re not ready for them.
• If your counter-attack is going well, then it’s an ambush and the aggressor’s friends are on the way.
• Anything you do can get you punched, including nothing.
• Every off-handed comment which can be misunderstood will be.
• Finding yourself under arrest and in jail is nature’s way of telling you to leave before the trouble starts.
• An emergency room visit for multiple contusions, fractures and soft tissue damage is nature’s way of telling you to leave before the trouble starts.
• Remember, a retreating aggressor is probably just falling back and gathering his mates.
• If at first you don’t succeed … clear the danger zone. Try running.
• Street experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• If enough data is collected, a lawyer can prove ANYTHING.
• Whatever technique you plan to use will be the wrong one.
• Never argue with an idiot, people won’t be able to tell you two apart.
• Not wanting to ‘hurt’ your attacker ‘too much’ will result in more hurt for both of you.
• You are not Superman; 1st Dan Black Belts take note.
• No self-defense plan ever survives initial contact.
• Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if it’s is a good idea.
• Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.
• There is no such thing as a fair fight — only ones where you win or lose.
• If you can think clearly, know exactly what’s happening, and have total control of a fight, then you’re not in a fight.
• Fighting does not determine who is right, fighting determines who is left.
• If it’s worth fighting for…it’s worth fighting dirty for.
• Never use a contact weapon (like a stick) when you can legally use a distance weapon (like a gun), never use pure hand-to hand when you can legally use a contact weapon, never engage at all if there is a reasonable way not to.
• Incoming unarmed attacks always conceal an incoming contact weapon.
• Your mobile phone will fail as soon as you need to dial 112.
• However you may choose to go armed with whatever is legal for you; always expect that your first defense actions will be unarmed.
• If you ever need to defend yourself, at least one of the attacker’s relatives will be a lawyer.
• Well-rehearsed self defense routines tend to fail at night, in bad weather, and especially during both.
• The longer and more complicated the movement sequence, the greater the opportunity for the attacker to counter it.
• The longer you allow the fight to continue, the greater the chance of sustaining serious injury.
• Base your movement choices on principles rather than techniques. You can screw up something like a technique, but you will have to get up real early in the morning to screw up something like, say, gravity…..
• The witnesses are never watching until you make a mistake.
• The police never arrive until you make a mistake.
• The more you’ve done your homework on both legal and tactical fronts, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
• If someone is giving you trouble in front of witnesses leave the area. That way, if he follows, he cannot claim it was self defense but you can.
• If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong place. Get out of the line of attack.
• If you allow the attacker to keep his balance and mobility, he will have control of his body and you will be in a fight.
• A good plan, now, beats a perfect plan dreamt up 10 seconds too late.
• Most of your attackers will be bigger, in a group, armed, or any combination thereof. All things being equal, you lose. Cheat fair and square.
• Body parts will sustain damage in direct proportion to their value. Get done, get away.
• Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• The more parts there are in a technique, the more there are to go wrong. Make sure you have a system to swear BY, not AT.
• When under serious attack, all rules go out the window.